moving forward

This time last year I was in Croatia. 

I keep doing that— this time last year I met you at the border of Thailand and Laos. Today last year I was in Budapest/ Berlin/ Lake Bled. It makes my heart sink a bit every time I think that, and I'm trying to work out why. It's almost a feeling of despair; that time is flying past so quickly now I'm at home, that these (the most incredible experiences of my life) are slipping away further into the past, that I'll forget them, that they won't be live memories, that they'll get confused and forgotten. I'm scared I'll get stuck at home, in work, that travel won't be close. That I won't be the person who "was travelling last year" but will be the person who travelled ages ago. 

The first time I felt this was when I'd been home a month. I had spent just one month in Cusco, Peru, and formed a life there. I knew my way around a new city. I was a familiar face at the language school, I could greet everyone, and I made great friends in my classes. I formed relationships through a new language with 20 little kindergarten students. I knew their names and games and songs. Seeing them every day meant I grew attached enough to miss them. I did so much in that one month: trips to Machu Picchu and Huacachina, horseriding around the Sacred Valley, had Flick come and visit for a weekend, lived in a homestay and then a hostel, went to nightclubs and restaurants and street stalls and markets.

Cusco

Then, I was home for a month and did nothing. Didn't form any new relationships. Didn't learn anything. Didn't discover anything. Felt depressed. Had no money to go out and do anything. I was recovering and recuperating and relishing in having my own private room space to myself where I didn't have to be guarding my things all the time, but, staying still for so long felt wrong. It felt like going backwards.

The next heartbreak was when I realised I'd been home for longer than I had been away: eight months. What a kick in the guts. The eight months travelling was like a whole lifetime. I was a new person after it. The eight months at home flew by in boredom and frustration at rejected (and mostly ignored) job applications, and having no money. I couldn't relax as if I were on holiday, because I had no date that I knew I'd be going back to work. I was constantly job-searching and applying and waiting for phone calls.  

But then I really thought about it, and realised I haven't been stationary this year. Once I got onto the right track, everything has been working perfectly for me, I just had to work out the right direction to go in first— which took five months of applying for the wrong jobs. 

At the start of the year I wanted money, and experience for my future career in the writing/ editing industry. I was applying for full-time admin and customer service roles, for entry-level editorial team and copy-writing. I didn't get the jobs I wasn't excited about, and I didn't have enough experience (even for entry-level) for the ones that I was excited about. It felt like a vicious circle until I changed my attack: I need experience, so I need an internship, even if it's unpaid. I contacted about forty publishing houses. First thing I did right all year. First step up. Found myself in a wonderful little boutique publishing house once a week. 

Now for money: I wanted a job which would better me, enrich my life, so I would enjoy learning from it and it wouldn't feel like I was wasting my time or life. I wasn't finding anything. I stumbled across an outdated ad for a job at lululemon athletica Chapel St, and recognised the Manifesto on the website (a whole heap of inspiring quotes that resonated with me) as the manifesto I'd seen on a shopping bag belonging to a girl called Nadeane who I became close friends with while travelling. She had told me that she used to work for the shop that the bag came from, but I had never heard of it. She was into yoga and running and health and positive thinking and personal development, and I actually think she's the most amazing person I've ever met. She helped me a lot getting through personal things while I was feeling vulnerable and alone, as I met her and travelled with her in Asia, and then went and stayed with her in her apartment in Los Angeles a couple of months later.

I was joining the dots: she inspired me to be a better person... my New Years resolutions included getting back in touch with my body, doing fun runs, starting yoga... I e-mailed lululemon Camberwell and they said to come in for a drop-in interview.

lululemon manifesto

From wanting a full-time "proper job" I found myself coveting a part-time retail job. Didn't see that coming, but it was the first thing I felt passionate about since getting the internship, and the first job I knew I would be shattered about if i didn't get it. Now I have two jobs I love, and neither of them were advertised. To me, that proved that you need to go after the things you want and make them happen. Don't just apply for what's out there.

To me, this retail job is not about the clothes. I wouldn't be interested in working in just any clothes shop. lululemon is about goal-setting, personal development, forming relationships in the community (we are reimbursed to go and do fitness/ yoga classes) living in our bodies, and elevating people's lives. Inspiring people to be more active and healthier, and therefore happier.  

My 4-year relationship ended on the 1st January this year. That was difficult and I couldn't see how I was ever going to feel better, but I knew it was the right step forward. I wanted to keep that travelling feeling of excitement and possibility open when I got home, so went to a few Couchsurfing meetings in Melbourne to meet new people, and thanks to that I have a French housemate and a new relationship. I can practise languages: a passion of mine. With the two new jobs I have new close friends with similar interests to me. 

Almost everything I do is working towards my goals. I don't have time for anything else. I'm realising that this year is not a waste, an empty expanse stretching out with travel getting further behind me. No. This year I'm moving forward, a lot! New jobs are pushing me towards my goals. New people and friends are making me a better person. New fitness and activities and passions— like yoga. A new relationship. A new outlook on life. 

So this time last year I was in Croatia having one of the most fun weeks of my life. 

It's okay. A lot has happened since then. I can accept a year has passed.  I'm moving forward, I'm improving, I'm going towards my goals, and travel will never be far away.